Why you should never have an unemployed girlfriend | eyes261181's Blog

“Can I expect it back in 20 minutes?” my boss asked me.
 
I wanted to reply, “Not in this birth.” But being a go-getter and hardworking person (my CV says so), I had to nod my head.
 
As I wished nobody disturbs me for the next 20 minutes, I thought I will switch off my cell phone. Just as I thought of doing so, a text message popped in.
 
“There are 40 million unemployed people in India” read the text message. It was from my girlfriend.
 
The message did not serve any purpose other than adding to my general knowledge. Puzzled, I just replied, “So?”
 
Meanwhile, the office boy came and banged a file on my table with a wicked smile. Ever since I had caught him red-handed accessing a porn site in office after work hours, he had a grudge on me. I had complained about him to our manager as I thought it was not fair that an office boy can access a website which I can’t, even though I wished to.
 
So this guy just loves when my boss gives me work moments before I am about to leave for the day. I was waiting for a reply from my girlfriend. Finally, my cell phone flashed. With extreme curiosity, I picked it up to read the reply.
 
“I have joined those 40 million unemployed!”
 
She had quit her job and decided to stay home, until she got married (hopefully, not with me). I asked her the reasons to quit and she unleashed her masterly rationale behind the decision. Here are few of the reasons:
 
-          The canteen food is not good.
-          The office pickup-and-drop transport facility is pathetic. It arrives when she is still in bed and it drops her home when her favourite TV programme is already over.
-          Her colleague is a lady and in spite of being married, she hangs out with her male boss all the time (In other words, my girlfriend’s boss doesn’t pay one penny of attendance to her, which makes her jealous).
-          Cell phones are not allowed inside the office due to security reasons.
-          Her gym work-out timings have changed and they now collide with the office work hours.
 
Now it’s been almost a week since my girlfriend left her job. Since then, she has been spending her time on invaluable things like sleeping until noon, working out in the gym, ordering pizzas every alternate day, adding friends on Facebook, commenting on photos uploaded by her ever-so-idle friends and giving me missed calls every half an hour. Her calls come at the most crucial times, especially when I am in the middle of a very delicate conversation with our office’s pretty receptionist or when my boss is making a never-ending presentation. I discovered that nothing in this world is more expensive than having a girl friend who is totally free on weekends...and on any other day.
 
So I thought of devising a way to keep her busy the whole day. I asked her to take up some hobby to kill time.
 
“Why don’t you learn some new language?” I asked. I expected her to choose between Spanish, German and French. “Yeah, I want to learn the language of the aliens!” she screamed. I am still struggling to find an Institute or University that offers a Masters in Aliens’ Languages program. Maybe I will contact James Cameron for advice.
 
I did not want her to learn a musical instrument. Last time, I gifted her guitar and she made her parents spend sleepless nights listening to her new compositions. Her parents still blame me for that blunder.

In P.G. Wodehouse's words, there was something about my girlfriend's personality that paralyzed my vocal cords and reduced the contents of my brain to a cauliflower.
 
“How about painting?” I made my last attempt. “Yes, that’s what I was thinking about.” She finally agreed to something. “I have even decided on what I will paint first.”
 
“What?” I asked, hoping that it wasn’t me whom she wanted to paint and sell as an abstract art.
 
“I want to paint Mona Lisa again, this time with a much wider smile.”
 
“What would that signify?” I asked curiously.
 
“A Mona Lisa with a wider smile would signify a girl who has recently dumped her old boyfriend to marry a billionaire.”
 
I did not respond. All I know is that I better find her another job before she seriously takes up painting Mona Lisa.